1. The sheer volume of laundry you will do. Baby clothes are tiny, but that doesn’t stop them from taking up all the laundry space. And don’t let the size fool you, the clothes may be tiny, but babies go through ALL OF THEM. You will stop folding their laundry after the third week, and by the second month your washing machine will want to tap out.
2. Baby stuff will consume your house. From pack-n-plays, to bouncy seats to a thousand tiny items of clothes and toys, every spare (and not so spare) inch of your home will be overflowing.
3. Tiny baby socks will appear EVERYWHERE. You will find baby socks in your underwear, in the crevices of the couch and even in the refrigerator. My friend gave me the great idea of putting their socks in a lingerie bag. Problem solved.
4. You will not sleep. Ever. And you’ll be ok with that.
5. Getting ready to go anywhere will take at least forever. I did remember this one, but forgot HOW MUCH more time it takes. Plan to start getting ready to go around 2.5 hours before you need to be somewhere. The baby will have at least one blow out and throw up twice before you walk out the door.
6. Babies cry. A LOT. My husband thought there was something wrong with our baby because he cried so much. Apparently he forgot this do-over reality too. But google assured me that babies will cry up to 2 hours per day. It just seems more like 23.
7. You will google everything, because google knows everything. Forget that you have already successfully raised grown children. When the baby burps, farts, crosses his eyes or just generally acts like a baby you will freak out and google it. Google knows all. And they didn’t have this the last time around.
8. Strangers will suddenly become your best friend. Something about new babies will cause perfect strangers to act like they’ve known you forever. They will ask personal questions and try to touch your baby. Hands Off. You become aware of the non-verbal language of your kind. Other new mothers will smile knowingly when those strangers approach you, and slightly nod on their way by. You share a sisterhood of the sleep deprived.
9. The backward countdown is always on your mind. It goes something like this “I will be 47 when he starts kindergarten, that’s not too bad. 60 when he graduates highschool… ohmygod that’s old. That leaves another 10 good years, maybe I’ll be around to be at his wedding….”
10. That first smile will completely melt your heart. Maybe you remember this from the first time… I didn’t. When my little boy smiled it was like the sun came out after a long winter and points 1-9 didn’t matter.